Why I'm Not Like Jesus

From a very young age, and with varying degrees of theological accuracy and understanding, I've been told to be like Jesus.  For a long time, considering what Jesus would in fact do in my given situation was to be taken into consideration.  Then we moved into a "how" Jesus would do things phase.  Now, still in the "how" phase, I think we're also in a "seek what Jesus would seek" phase.  I'm not saying that any of these is a particularly faulty way of looking at life and making decisions, I'm simply illustrating the point that in all of it, I'm being told to be like Jesus.

From a very young age, I've also been a problem solver.  I do my puzzles by completing the border first, just like my mom taught me.  I make to-do lists and prioritize tasks.  I move around my house doing chores in the order that makes the most efficient use of my movements.  In professional situations, I listen to someone's concerns or needs, and I make it happen.  I often verbally process how to solve those problems, but usually not with the person who passed the task on to me.  I joked once that if I had a superhero nickname it would be "The Fire Extinguisher," because in various seasons of my life I have run around all day putting out metaphorical fires.

So tonight, as people shared needs at community group, mostly for others we don't know directly, I felt powerless.  A family needs money for utilities, a job for a single parent.  Parents need comfort after the death of their daughter, at her own hands.  A teenager and his parents need a home.  I can't fix these problems, and my first thought was that if I was like Jesus, this would be a whole lot easier.  If I was like Jesus, I could whip some cash out a fish, or multiply bread.  I could touch someone and heal them. As I was feeling the tension creep into my shoulders, I realized that I was not the only person in the room hearing about these needs.  Someone shared that when he had heard about the teenager needing a place to live, he immediately called up a family who lives near his high school, and they were totally willing to have him stay with them.  Others promised to pray and starting thinking about ways to help with these other needs.  And I just kept thinking, if I were like Jesus, these issues would be done and over, and I wouldn't be sitting here feeling guilty about all kinds of things.

If I'm totally honest, today, right now, I hate that we as Christians are called to work together to bring the Kingdom of God.  I would much rather solve problems on my own, living my own little superhero life.  I hate saying that I don't know how to fix something and I don't know how much to give and that I need the help of others.  And I know that's because I don't understand grace.  Someday I'll get it, and on that day, I'll be so profoundly grateful for the Body of Christ that it will hopefully make up for today's doubt.  Today, I'm thankful for people that love me and will be willing to enter into this conversation with me in the weeks to come.