And so it begins

I titled this blog "The Season" because I'm hoping that by some miracle this season in my life will be the definitive one- you know, the one that answers all of the deepest questions and sorts out the issues in me that I've been meaning to address for a while now.  The last two years in my life have been marked by a crazy schedule and pace of life that leaves me wondering at the end of it all "Where did all that time go?" And yet, in many ways, that season was extremely definitive- I held my first ministry job, navigated the wonderful waters of rent and utility bills, balanced two jobs with friendships and a long commute, and learned a ton about how I function within relationships, workplaces, and under pressure.  I have definitely been shaped by that season.  But I think it left me with more questions than answers, and I'm looking forward to taking some time in this season, (The Season, remember) to intentionally explore some of those questions, like 

• If I really believe God loves me (and everything that implies), why am I trapped in a pattern of trying to earn the affections of those around me?
• If I really believe that my identity is found in the new life given to me by Jesus, why do I feel so lost all of the time?
• How do I reconcile the brokenness I see in the world around me with the goodness I know to be true of God?
• Is it hypocritical to reach out to help others when I don't want to face the brokenness is my own life and family?
• How the heck can God choose to work through the institution of the Church?  Is there any hope for something that seems so thoroughly human some days?

You know.  Questions like that.  In theory, I'm ready to bust out my theology texts and do some studying, but in reality, I need to get ready to search my own heart.  Sure, it's embarrassing to think that God already know exactly what I'll find in there, but ignorance is almost bliss in my lack of self-knowledge.  But I think that the key to being grounded in life lies somewhere in knowing who I am- the good, the bad, the already, the not-yet- and who God is, to the extent that I can know those things.  

So, I'm almost three weeks into "The Season" and I have done pretty much none of the work I have outlined for myself.  Part of that is that it took me twice as long as it should have to pack up my office when I left my ministry job, and part of it is that I was suddenly free to spend time with friends I hadn't seen in a while, and part of it is that I'm leaving for three weeks of European travel on Monday, but the bottom line is that this season will be just like any other season:  exactly what I make of it.

One of the things I'm choosing in this season is to be more grateful, so before I head off for my adventure, I'm going to take a few minutes to practice the discipline of gratitude, and maybe, just maybe, when I'm stressed out about some train schedule or funky hostel or closed museum, I'll be able to remember that my life is pretty darn good.  

Things I'm thankful for this morning:

• The wonderful Sherwood family.  I'm sitting on the front porch of their beautiful home, feeling just like family and loving it.  I've been living here for a month, and have felt so welcomed and cared for.  
• Toe-nail polish.  It just makes life better.  Although I'm thinking about changing the color I put on just before writing this post.
• Friends who have cared for me in the last few weeks-  from cards to gifts to lunch, dinner, and ice cream dates to simply listening while I process through the closing of one season and beginning of another.
• My parents, especially my dad, who have worked tirelessly to keep up with me and my changing plans, and who are always willing to bear the brunt of my crummy attitude when I get stressed out.
• Sunshine, breeze, geraniums.
• Jessie, Stacy, Bambi, and Kelly- I can't wait to read the next round of updates from some cool internet cafe in Germany!
• Grace.  Because I am going to need it....

See you in a few weeks!  

kathryn